Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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