can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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