You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
