Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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