i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
