This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
