i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
