Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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