I must be too annoying 4 u.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
