end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
