You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
