Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
