i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
