Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
