i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
