I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
