smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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