Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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