I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
