false alarm. still invincible.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
