thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
