I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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