Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
