But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
