So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
