I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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