you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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