It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
