She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
