i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
