yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
