idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
