Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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