They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
True strength comes from lack of pants
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
