A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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