Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
