the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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