I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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