They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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