Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
