He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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