Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
