You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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