I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
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