they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
