you guys were way drunker than both of me
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
