why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
