I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
