i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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