Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
