somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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